I'm turning 32 this Sunday. I want to do something special for me but I don't know what. A part of me feels that I don't deserve to and there's that nagging part of me that screams to do something so it would at least be a happy day.
I'm really conflicted as to how my relationship with the babydadee is going to turn out. For the most part of my life with him, I know that he loved me as much as he could (and maybe still do). When I look back at the good days, they were really good. I was happy. He's a good dadee too. Then I would remember the bad days and I just hurt so bad that even if I haven't had a good night's rest in a while, I don't mind it because I'm at peace.
For the first few weeks since I kicked he was back and forth here. He actually came here and physically begged for my forgiveness twice. I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't almost fall for it. Good thing I was much too hurt then to let him have his way again. Now, as much as he is communicating with me, making his presence felt via test, he doesn't insist himself; doesn't complain if I haven't replied to his text or answered his call; and I hope he never brings up the topic of me entertaining a suitor again. (because dood, that's just not happening) I want him to learn his lesson if it be the hard way for both of us then so be it. After all, what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger. If we do emerge from this and still be together in the end, it would have only been a test. Otherwise, it's just not meant to be. (Yes, ringing up all the cliche's in the world.)
Suffice to say, I miss him terribly. I don't want him here on Sunday because he's still suspended (y'know) but I also want him around because you know I want to spend it with the person I love.
xoxo
